by Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE
Remember how exciting it was when you first fell in love? Your heart did somersaults every time you met the one you loved. The two of you sat up talking all night. And you always seemed to have so much energy. The thrill of falling in love is wonderful.
Soon enough, of course, reality set in, and you had to start working to make the relationship succeed. That's good, of course. It's how you truly grow to know and love the other person.
In many ways, a new job is like a love affair. The first stage is excitement. It can last from an hour to many years. You think to yourself, "This job will pay me more money than I've ever earned before. The clients will be wonderful to deal with. I'm going to learn so much and do really exciting things." The novelty of the job keeps your energy high. You are happy because you are so productive, and you're more productive because you are so happy.
Then the second stage, reality, sets in. You still enjoy the work you do, but you begin to notice some of the irritants and difficulties. It bothers you that all the phones are ringing when you walk in the door. Deadlines seem endless and impossible. It becomes harder to arrive early or stay late. The novelty starts to wear off. And, like love, your job has a third stage too disillusion. The pendulum swings past reality, and you find yourself focusing on the negative things. That's when the "maybe's" begin. "Maybe I could make better money at Company X, and not have to work so hard." "Maybe I'd be happier with more responsibility at Corporation Y." "Maybe Company Z would let me come in a little later in the mornings or go home earlier at night."
In jobs, as in love, it's very important for the pendulum to swing back. You need to work to regain the exhilaration of the first stage. Such excitement is essential to a fulfilling life. Think about what you did to keep the thrill in your love life. Maybe the two of you relived your first date at that little country restaurant, or you thought to thank your loved one for being kind and generous. In short, you remembered to see the person you first fell in love with.
Apply this same technique to your career. Rekindle the thrill you felt when you first began your job. You must have had good reasons for taking it. What were they? Make a list of them, and expect to experience those joys again in your daily routine.
Begin each day with a smile. Anticipate having a productive, stimulating day. Isn't that how you used to come to work in the morning? If you really expect to be productive, I guarantee that almost nothing can stop you. Here are some practical staying-in-love techniques:
Have a good breakfast to give you the energy and protein, which you so badly need first thing in the morning.
Dress with as much pride and attention to detail as you did on your first day of work.
Start each day with motivated people who talk about the good things in their lives. Once a week or so, take the initiative to get up a little earlier and go to breakfast with some of these people. I'm a member of a group that does just that. It's a very special way to start the day.
Get to work as early as you can and spend some quiet time settling in before everyone else arrives. If this is hard, offer yourself some small personal reward. (Mine is that first lingering cup of coffee, all alone, while opening my very exciting email.)
Do what I call the "icky" things first. Even the most fantastic job includes tasks that aren't much fun. If you get them out of the way, the rest of the day will fly by.
Make a list at the end of every day of what you learned, what was the most fun, who was the most fun to interact with, and how you feel you added to your group's success. A list of the 'beyond the paycheck' benefits. If you only work for the paycheck you will be employed, but not 'employable' long term.
There are many realistic ways to keep your relationships and your jobs exciting and challenging. Ultimately, your happiness depends on how good you feel about yourself at work, in love, and just living everyday. Try doing something nice for your job and yourself. Fall in love all over again!
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
How To Fall in Love
It is true we live in hectic, trying, scary, stressful times. It is not surprising that it is ok or common to speak of violence and the economy and a host of fearsome things CNN will draw your attention to: things that try your compassion and make you wonder at humanity and lack thereof. People will talk comfortably of sexual issues as they do of violence and tragic events but to mention things like love and romance? They scoff; they snicker. They twitch in discomfort. At best, it is seen as silly fiction. At worst, a lightweight new age soul search and yet..... At any rate, here is my own user's guide to love in the millennium.
How To Fall In Love.....*
To fall in love, you must put away everything you have learned up to now. You must put away pride, wisdom, street smarts, and sophistication. You may keep dignity, patience, instinct and an open spirit. Relax your body, unclench your hands and open your palms. Look up to the stars and let snowflakes fall on your face without intercepting them.
Wait.
First, you must find someone or let them find you. In fact, it is better if they find you and you find them but this is only possible if you both walk backwards and into each other. But you must start unaware and without expectations. If you are waiting and ready, you will not fall in love. You might find romance but you will not fall in love.
The next thing you must do is to think of yourself as a house with all the doors and windows open. The other person will appear as sunshine that sneaks its way in and sends unexpected warmth upon you. You will bask in this delight. But then, it will change. That sunshine will become alternately rain and wind and cool breezes, and topsy-turvy gusts that upset your furniture and send your pictures on the walls all askew. You will want so very much to close the windows and slam the doors and slap your hands together in that brisk motion that says, 'enough of this nonsense'. You might feel fearful and cover up the fear with the most wicked of all tonics: rationalization.
You might be so good at this that the rationalizations of things that are really a blessing and a gift, will seem as the truth. In fact, the opposite is so. The rationalizations are the lies - the truth will seem, well, unseemly. But no matter - if you go this route and forget this counsel, there is little to be done.
You will protest the weather and shut it out and forget that in minutes, days, hours - that same annoying wind of fearsome gusts can turn back into that sunshine that first warmed and beguiled you. But I urge you to become a student of the weather and simply watch it unfold. Welcome the rain and wind, knowing it will not harm you and besides, will soon pass. If you can manage to keep the door open, the rain will dry up and the winds will settle. You can look out again and see those rays which first caught you. You might marvel how it all changes while you have sat still.
If you can sit still.
Then there comes a hard part. You will relax and get used to the changing weather. You will learn to take to the wind and rain and not notice as much. Instead, happily, you will focus on that sun. That sun will become glorious. It will become larger than your own open house. And just when you get to that point and are reveling in this light, a big cloud will come. This cloud might stay and obliterate that sun which you have grown to love so well. It will stay so long until you know this is not a change in the weather. It is indeed, the new landscape and a painful reality of the heart.
At first, you will hope the sun will return but as the days turn into borderless chunks of time, you will know that is unlikely.
Now this is odd - because clearly, this is not simply weather changes but a
permanent state of affairs but still, you will have that same urge to shut the windows and close the door. Now, there is no rain, snow, or wind to make you do that but still - you will want to take a hammer and nails and hammer down shut every crevice that sun or any light might creep through.
You might even close the shutters around your heart. I urge you not to.
If you are telling the truth about wanting to fall in love, this is how it
is done:
Take the glow from your own heart and your own truth. Set it in each window
sill. Make candles of your faith. Take the glitter from that plant called hope and the twinkle from the dreams you cannot give up. Adorn your home with these things. In time, you will not miss that sunshine you grew to love. The light will go from inside, from your own hearth, to the outside. You will not need those flippant rays you first experienced and learned to rely on. That warmth that starts from within and stays.
One day, you might even look out again - because after all, you are still, in your heart of hearts, a student of weather. You might see another home - similarly lit. That might be an indication of another full, strong, open house - the only
possible match for your own abode. It might be a place worth visiting. It might be a place to go to.
They say falling in love is wonderful. It is. But at first it will be scary and it might not always work out. You might only taste romance which, as lovely as it is, is simply love's residue. To fall in love you have to be smart but naive. Hope against hope. Hold your heart high, proud, but unfettered. Celebrate its scars. Cry until you do not know what to do anymore. Sleep. Dream. Wait and be ready. There is always more weather. There is more sun. Put the hammer and nails away. Turn your palms open and upwards.
And that is how you fall in love.
Copyright How To Fall in Love
How To Fall In Love.....*
To fall in love, you must put away everything you have learned up to now. You must put away pride, wisdom, street smarts, and sophistication. You may keep dignity, patience, instinct and an open spirit. Relax your body, unclench your hands and open your palms. Look up to the stars and let snowflakes fall on your face without intercepting them.
Wait.
First, you must find someone or let them find you. In fact, it is better if they find you and you find them but this is only possible if you both walk backwards and into each other. But you must start unaware and without expectations. If you are waiting and ready, you will not fall in love. You might find romance but you will not fall in love.
The next thing you must do is to think of yourself as a house with all the doors and windows open. The other person will appear as sunshine that sneaks its way in and sends unexpected warmth upon you. You will bask in this delight. But then, it will change. That sunshine will become alternately rain and wind and cool breezes, and topsy-turvy gusts that upset your furniture and send your pictures on the walls all askew. You will want so very much to close the windows and slam the doors and slap your hands together in that brisk motion that says, 'enough of this nonsense'. You might feel fearful and cover up the fear with the most wicked of all tonics: rationalization.
You might be so good at this that the rationalizations of things that are really a blessing and a gift, will seem as the truth. In fact, the opposite is so. The rationalizations are the lies - the truth will seem, well, unseemly. But no matter - if you go this route and forget this counsel, there is little to be done.
You will protest the weather and shut it out and forget that in minutes, days, hours - that same annoying wind of fearsome gusts can turn back into that sunshine that first warmed and beguiled you. But I urge you to become a student of the weather and simply watch it unfold. Welcome the rain and wind, knowing it will not harm you and besides, will soon pass. If you can manage to keep the door open, the rain will dry up and the winds will settle. You can look out again and see those rays which first caught you. You might marvel how it all changes while you have sat still.
If you can sit still.
Then there comes a hard part. You will relax and get used to the changing weather. You will learn to take to the wind and rain and not notice as much. Instead, happily, you will focus on that sun. That sun will become glorious. It will become larger than your own open house. And just when you get to that point and are reveling in this light, a big cloud will come. This cloud might stay and obliterate that sun which you have grown to love so well. It will stay so long until you know this is not a change in the weather. It is indeed, the new landscape and a painful reality of the heart.
At first, you will hope the sun will return but as the days turn into borderless chunks of time, you will know that is unlikely.
Now this is odd - because clearly, this is not simply weather changes but a
permanent state of affairs but still, you will have that same urge to shut the windows and close the door. Now, there is no rain, snow, or wind to make you do that but still - you will want to take a hammer and nails and hammer down shut every crevice that sun or any light might creep through.
You might even close the shutters around your heart. I urge you not to.
If you are telling the truth about wanting to fall in love, this is how it
is done:
Take the glow from your own heart and your own truth. Set it in each window
sill. Make candles of your faith. Take the glitter from that plant called hope and the twinkle from the dreams you cannot give up. Adorn your home with these things. In time, you will not miss that sunshine you grew to love. The light will go from inside, from your own hearth, to the outside. You will not need those flippant rays you first experienced and learned to rely on. That warmth that starts from within and stays.
One day, you might even look out again - because after all, you are still, in your heart of hearts, a student of weather. You might see another home - similarly lit. That might be an indication of another full, strong, open house - the only
possible match for your own abode. It might be a place worth visiting. It might be a place to go to.
They say falling in love is wonderful. It is. But at first it will be scary and it might not always work out. You might only taste romance which, as lovely as it is, is simply love's residue. To fall in love you have to be smart but naive. Hope against hope. Hold your heart high, proud, but unfettered. Celebrate its scars. Cry until you do not know what to do anymore. Sleep. Dream. Wait and be ready. There is always more weather. There is more sun. Put the hammer and nails away. Turn your palms open and upwards.
And that is how you fall in love.
Copyright How To Fall in Love
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